Category Archives: Reflections

Robert J. Healey

Robert J. Healey

I always liked Bob Healey and followed his political career from afar. Though I left Rhode Island shortly after high school, I always remembered this long-haired substitute teacher who occasionally filled in for my straightlaced and no-nonsense senior year high school English teacher, Mrs. Mary D. Parks.

Bob, or Mr. Healey, as I knew him, came sauntering into my senior English class one day with his distinctive gait and placed his worn leather attaché case on the equally worn oak desk in front of the class.

Before he launched into the day’s lesson, he paused and announced to the class he was going to teach us how to remember to spell a few uniquely spelled words. I sat there with great anticipation.

Mr. Healey walked up to the chalkboard and begin scribbling a word with the white chalk. He spelled out in big sweeping letters the word “W E I R D.”

I was wondering where he was going with this but I liked his whole theatrical demeanor and he had my attention. I suspect he held the attention of others in the class as well.

So, he begins his English lesson about words spelled with “ei” or “ie.” You remember the drill, “I before E except after C with some exceptions.” At any rate, he turned to the class with his long black hair all tossed about and proclaimed to us he had a sure-fire way to remember how to spell the word, “Weird.” He still had my attention; I was waiting with bated breath.

With characteristic flair, he circled the letters, “W” and “E” in the word “weird” on the chalkboard. I think he circled the letters twice for emphasis. He then proclaimed, “You can always remember how to spell this word by remembering WE are all weird. All of us.” Again, emphasizing the “we” in the word “weird”with two taps of the chalk under the letters “W”and “E.”

Now this struck me deeply. You see, I was a particularly insecure high school student at the time and felt quite unique in my own personal weirdness. I was often intimidated by the seemingly normative, and ever so cool, deportment of my classmates. THEY didn’t seem weird at all. And I thought I was pretty weird.

This proclamation by Mr. Healey changed my view of my high school universe and I suddenly felt that even though Mike, Tim and I (my high school buddies) would often spend Friday afternoons reading Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five and writing zany poems, we were actually part of a larger world filled with weird people. In this moment, I suddenly felt like I belonged to a larger school community because, truth be told, according to Mr. Healey, we all were weird. This fact was most comforting to me.

I found out later, Mr. Healey was a perennial candidate for public office and once ran a campaign with the slogan, “A Strange Man for a Strange Job.” He indeed knew the power of being weird. He seemed to even revel in it.

Mr. Healey regularly ran for the office of Lieutenant Governor in Rhode Island. He actually ran on a platform of abolishing the office of Lieutenant Governor. This cracked me up! “Good for you, Bob Healey,” I thought to myself when I heard of his plans. He garnered 39% of the vote and over 126,000 Rhode Islanders voted for him in his 2010 race!

Mr. Healey may not have been wildly successful in politics but he was right about two points he raised as a teacher. First, I’ve always remembered how to spell the word “weird”even though the word “receive” sometimes still stumps me. And second, like Mr. Healey, my life experiences have proven to me we are all a little weird. Ain’t it grand!?

Do you remember a teacher from your youth who taught you a life lesson that remained with you well into adulthood? Please share it below.

Love, Grief, and Healing

IMG_2819 CA few days ago was the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. On March 7, 2018, it was one year since my Dad passed away.

On the morning of this anniversary, I was in an orthopedic surgeon’s office being poked and prodded by the doctor after suffering an extraordinarily painful herniated disc. As I hobbled around the doctor’s office, I had a chance to think about many things.

First, I thought of my Dad. Next, I thought of my love for him and the grief love engenders. I also thought about what it meant to be a loving human being in a world that, at times, seems a bit harsh. And truth be told, mostly, I thought about the reality of a painfully exploded disc which sent jelly-like detritus northward into my spinal column compressing a highly sensitive nerve which ordinarily served my legs entirely without notice or clamor.

I believe all these things are related. Let me explain.

Grief is a tricky emotion. If you listen to some of the experts on the subject, you’ll learn about stages and processes. As a former project manager with a very linear and methodical mind, this all sounds so neat and tidy.

Experts tell us during grief we experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. I’m no expert on grief but like many of us, I’ve walked through my share of losses – some sudden and others expected.

Each experience of grief for me was different and painful in its own unique way. Sometimes it’s subtle and other times it’s blunt. Most importantly, the process after each death wasn’t neat and tidy at all but more like riding a poorly greased roller coaster with unexpected bumps and curves. So much for a neat linear process.

I do know one thing. Grief and love are linked. It’s somewhat like investing. Love is the principal we invest and grief is the interest earned on our investment. The more you’ve invested the more interest you will earn. If you grieve much, good for you, you’ve invested much in love.

I know another thing, on this roller coaster ride of life, it’s good to have a friend or two along capable of sitting in the steel car with you. Though highly personal, grief does appreciate company every now and again. It’s especially comforting to know we are not alone and others have made this journey too.

Grief seems to impact all parts of the human person. You may have heard of the mind/body connection discussed in recent health literature. This concept suggests our mind and our emotions can impact our physical health. I believe in these ideas and particularly when it involves acute experiences.

As I stood in the surgeon’s office looking at the results of my MRI, seeing – in all magnetic clarity – my herniated disc and protruded nucleous, I thought to myself, “THERE is my grief and all the emotions attached to it. It’s all exploded out of the disc rupturing the outer core and settling into my spinal column compressing the root of a nerve. Painful, raw and real.”

While these mind/body theories are controversial, I believe they do have merit and it’s important to address healing from many different perspectives. We are, after all, comprised of mind, body and spirit.

So, healing from loss and healing from physical trauma are interrelated for me. My journey with a wide variety of health conditions has proven this to be true. We are a complex system and not just disparate and unconnected parts.

Part of our system, often over looked, is our spiritual connection to a Higher Power and to each other. Truth is, we are not alone as we journey towards fullness of life and health. We walk with each other and we walk with God.

I’m more and more convinced God walks closely with us especially during times of pain and loss. Time and again, I’ve heard others say this is their experience too. Could this be true for you? I actually had a very odd experience happen to me about a week or two before my disc herniated supporting this notion.

One morning, prior to visiting some friends, I was quietly praying. I’m not one of these people who regularly hears God talking to them or “receives” a word from God in prayer. Mostly God is pretty silent with me. I look at Him, and He looks at me. I’m most dubious when someone tells me God told them this, that or the other thing. Having said that, I am about to tell you such a story.

On this morning, some weeks ago, I heard a folksy locution which said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.” I found this “voice” somewhat strange and so I mentioned it to a friend.

It was strange for three main reasons. First, I haven’t heard such a locution before this moment. Second, my back – to the best of my knowledge – was perfectly well at this time and so I interpreted this message to be a general comment of support. And finally, the voice seemed so casual and light; it certainly wasn’t a Hollywood “God Almighty” kind of voice. All these reasons saw me dismissing this experience and I promptly forgot all about it.

Fast forward two weeks later and I was driving down the road after my orthopedic appointment with the same friend I had mentioned this locution to a few weeks earlier. I said to her, “Do you remember the message I mentioned hearing a few weeks ago?” She replied, “Yes, you said you heard a voice say, ‘Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.’” We both looked at each other incredulously and I said, “Maybe God or my guardian angel is looking out for my back?” My driver and friend smiled and said, “There’s no doubt in my mind that God was looking out for you and your back. In the message, he was giving you consolation in advance.” With some uncertainty, I thought to myself, “Perhaps.” I did, however, have a distinct feeling of peace and experienced an “all is well” kind of feeling.

So, as I continue walking through my grief and enter the second year after my father’s passing, I’m more aware of the relationship between mind, body and spirit. I’ve got both back healing and emotional healing to do. There is much joy in all this – though it does come at a price. And mostly, through it all, I am deeply grateful because I don’t need to worry; healing will unfold and God has my back!

Proof There Is A God

imageOn a recent Sunday afternoon I went to the Tucson Symphony Orchestra for their matinee production. It was a nice enough event but as I sat there during the end of the program, I said to myself, “I wish Tucson had a professional hockey team. Phoenix has one. Even an AHL team would do. I’m in the mood for live hockey!”

As I left the Tucson Music Hall and walked towards my car I glanced up and saw the spires of the cathedral. I decided to bring my hockey question to the Lord. “Lord, why doesn’t Tucson have a professional hockey team,” I asked? He gave no immediate answer.

Feeling curious, I returned to my car and googled “hockey and Tucson.” I thought maybe the University of Arizona supported a team or perhaps in the past the city had a professional hockey organization.

Much to my surprise, my Google query returned a link to a headline proclaiming the 2016-2017 season as the inaugural year for the Tucson Roadrunners, an American Hockey League (AHL) affiliated hockey team. Surprise! Surprise!

My joy at this information was real. I then wondered what might be their schedule this year. I googled that information as well. Much to my surprise, there was a game being played at home at that very minute. The Tucson Roadrunners were playing in the Tucson Convention Center. “Oh Lord, this couldn’t be true! Was there hockey being played in the building right behind me?”

Still wearing my blue blazer and fancy Panama straw hat made in Spain, appropriate for the symphony but maybe not AHL hockey, I scampered towards the Tucson Convention Center doors.

My enthusiasm got the better of me and I asked a very robust man with a few days of facial hair growth standing outside the center intently enjoying his cigarette if there was a hockey game going on in the building. “Yes,” he said, “The first period had ended and it’s a pretty good game.”

In my excitement, I poured out my most recent conversation with the Lord about Tucson and hockey to this gentleman and wife. He paused, grinned a bit and pulled out his extra ticket and said, “And here’s your ticket!”

Thinking he was selling tickets, I asked him how much. He replied, “Don’t worry about it. Enjoy the game.”

So, I entered the convention center and enjoyed the last two periods of an exciting AHL hockey game. It was an answer to a prayer.

This proves, there is a God. 😉

Finding Cousin Richard

Sometimes hard work and perseverance set the stage for genealogical success. Other times, serendipity and chance set that stage. Finding Cousin Richard was one of those endeavors which relied more upon providence and chance than upon skilled genealogical research. Here is the story.

On December 4, 1951, Jean Frank, then known as Mrs. Richard Edward Raybold III, gave birth to a boy and he was named Richard Raybold. Richard’s father was also named Richard Raybold as was his deceased great uncle, Richard Edward Raybold, Jr. Additionally, his great grandfather was named Richard Edward Raybold, Sr. This Richard, Jean Frank’s little boy, was the fourth in a proud line of men with the name Richard Raybold.

Sadly, the marriage between Richard III and Jean Frank ended in divorce. Like many divorces, this separation included heartache and loss. Young Richard, you see, and his mother remained in Ohio where she eventually remarried. As the story unfolds, the younger Richard’s step-father understandably wanted to cut ties with the past and establish a new family with a bright future. In light of this fact, Richard, at 12 years old, was renamed Jonathan Jenson.

As the years went by and the distance increased, various Raybold family members unsuccessfully attempted to locate and communicate with Richard Raybold. His own biological father tried to contact him early on in the separation but met with resistance. Interestingly, when the younger Richard, now known as Jonathan, came to adulthood his own attempts to contact his father, Richard III, were complicated because in the 1970’s Richard Edward Raybold III legally changed his name to Marshall Blake.

Eventually Jonathan Jenson’s curiosity about his Raybold roots led him to research his family through ancestry.com. Remember, Jonathan was called Richard Raybold, Dick to his friends, for the first twelve years of his life. His Raybold awareness was keen. While he appreciated his new family, he always identified as and felt like a Raybold.

Jonathan’s search throughout the years paralleled searches being carried out by no less than three members of his extended Raybold family. Jonathan Jenson was considered by some to be “The Lost Raybold.” While he was searching for his roots, members of his Raybold family were also searching for him. It was in this context that Richard Raybold/Jonathan Jenson was found.

One of the reasons it was difficult to find Jonathan was the fact that the people looking for him used the wrong spelling of his name. They all thought his name was spelled “John Jensen” and they used this name in their searches. It’s no wonder they kept coming up short.

In early 2016, Jonathan Jenson established an ancestry.com account and began populating his family tree with the information he had about his Raybold family. He entered about ten Raybold names into his family database and then backed off from using his account any further.

About six months later, I, his cousin, was doing research on our shared great grandfather, Richard Edward Raybold, Sr. using ancestry.com to do my research. As providence, or luck would have it, my ancestry.com account displayed Jonathan’s data as a possible hint (or a possible lead) for corroborating information about Richard Raybold.

I was stunned when I saw the name “Jonathan Jenson” on my computer screen. “Could this be ‘The Lost Raybold’ for whom I had been searching for over 15 years,” I thought to myself? Thinking his name was “John Jensen,” I still wasn’t sure this was the former Richard Raybold for whom I searched.

I decided trying to contact him through ancestry.com was my next step. As Jonathan was no longer actively using his account, I didn’t expect my message would receive a prompt reply. Because of this, I decided using Facebook for a search of Jonathan Jenson might be helpful.

I had searched on Facebook for him previously but as I was using the wrong spelling of his name I came up empty-handed. This time, I had a different spelling of his name and clearly, based on his ancestry.com activity, Jonathan Jenson was a person looking for information on the Raybold family. Perhaps he was my man! Hope springs eternal.

With some excitement, I typed in “Jonathan Jenson” into the search field on my Facebook page and within a few moments 100s of Jonathan Jensons filled my screen. I was discouraged by the volume of names. How would I ever find “my” Jonathan Jenson in this list? Whispering a little prayer, I started to contact the lengthy list of Jensons by sending them private messages.

Interestingly enough, my first inquiry, to a “Jon Jenson,” was returned with a somewhat cryptic yet intriguing message. I had written, “Hi Jon, Does the name Raybold mean anything to you?” His response was, “It might, how did you come across me?” His “It might” gave me hope but it also fueled my concerns that possibly Jonathan Jenson, the former Richard Raybold, did not want to be contacted. This, actually, was a concern that was greatly on my heart. I was, however, undaunted.

I decided to contact other people with the last name Jenson connected to the Jon Jenson on this Facebook account. My next inquiry was sent to a “Kathy Jenson.” Again, the same question. This time the return message was much more definitive. She responded, “Yes, this was my husband’s last name before he was adopted as a young child.” I was both amazed and thrilled to have actually found a real connection to “The Lost Raybold.” Moreover, I was shocked to have found him through the first person named Jonathan Jenson I contacted on Facebook! It turns out, the Jon Jesnson I initially contacted on Facebook was actually the son of “The Lost Raybold,” Jonathan Jenson, Sr.

Now, many questions ran through my mind about Jonathan Jenson. Was he alive? Did he want to reconnect with his Raybold family? Would he be upset with me for bringing up a possibly tender subject about his earlier life? I proceeded with some care.

As it turned out, Jonathan’s wife was delightful and she contacted me from the hospital where her husband was recovering from a recent procedure. This Jonathan Jenson, Sr. was indeed “The Lost Raybold.” Moreover, Jonathan, as I was told through his wife, was eager to talk with me after he recovered from his hospital stay. I was elated!

Within five minutes of returning from the hospital, Jonathan Jenson sent me a message through Facebook indicating he was interested in talking. When we talked, Jonathan told me my reaching out to him was an answer to a prayer and a true blessing. I was greatly relieved and remembered the short prayer uttered some days earlier.

As our initial contact and communication unfolded, Jonathan was delighted to learn he descends from at least nine different Mayflower passengers. He was also eager to reconnect with more contemporary members of the Raybold family. The Waterman – Raybold Family holds a yearly luncheon in Sandwich, MA. Jonathan, and his wife Kathy, are eager to join the clan and take their seats at the Raybold table next year. I am eager, like many, to welcome them.

A Winter Moment in the Desert

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Some time ago, I awoke to find a dusting of snow covering the saguaros of the Sonoran desert where I live. I arose quickly knowing this new fallen blanket from the clouds would soon be gone. I was transfixed by all that surrounded me. The desert was seemingly transformed overnight.

As I turned to view the landscape, I noticed a stately saguaro on the crest of a hillside gleaming in the early morning sun and snow. I was struck by how the saguaro was nearly refashioned by the presence of snow on its outstretched arms. Additionally, the nearby cholla, though much shorter in stature, seemed to be plumped up and jumping for joy with the chilly refreshment all around. It was a remarkable scene for me.

To those who have lived all their lives in the desert, this scene is perhaps quite unremarkable. For me, however, being brought to the desert from far away, I was struck not only by all the beauty surrounding me but also, and I’m embarrassed to say this, by the very fact that it can snow in a desert environment. Even an environment that was a comfortable 65 degrees just twelve hours earlier. This was delightfully unexpected for me.

This surprising encounter with Mother Nature reminded me how we each awake to the new day to many unexpected experiences and opportunities.

As the snow quickly melted on the arms of the saguaro, I imagined this cactus was absorbing the winter water, quenching its January thirst, and building its inner reserves.

Similarly, I thought to myself, each one of us might be surprised by a “dusting of snow” in the desert of our experience of life but we can allow it to be, just like the saguaro, an unexpected way of growth, nourishment, and a way to build our inner “reserves” for a difficult day. Did you have a “surprise snowfall” today? What was it?

In the winter of our struggles there are many unexpected experiences offering hope and healing.These moments might include the timely meeting of an old friend at a holiday get together and hearing her share excitedly about the discovery of a new health protocol working for her. Or it might come in a more subtle way in a whispered suggestion to the ear of our hearts. The trick is to be ready or open for these unpredictable moments of awareness, don’t you think?

Remaining open often requires us to be vulnerable. The outstretched arms of the saguaro in the snow was a symbol of that openness and fragility for me. And we, like the strong old saguaro, can stand resolutely and patiently waiting with open arms to each new day whatever it might bring.

This desert snow fall, with its fleeting nature, also reminded me to enjoy life in the moment. For, like the snow in the desert, life quickly passes. This quiet pause, in the early morning, awoke my mind and heart from a bit of winter hibernation and allowed time for recollection in the frosty stillness. Life passes quickly; enjoy it!

So, these are just a few thoughts about my recent winter moment in the desert. There was quiet. There was peace. There was snow. It was all a grand surprise. And I was chilly but grateful. I look forward to my next desert surprise, however it may unfold.

By The River Side

image A few days ago I experienced a beautiful and blessed day. I thought I’d share a picture and a few words about it with you in this blog post.

The day included much – but a river, blades of grass, sunshine and God’s gentle touches all figure prominently.

The day was especially appreciated as my experience of God of late has been, well, let’s just say, He’s been seemingly quite remote. And it was after a few weeks of physical and spiritual suffering, that I won’t detail here as we each have our own variety, that these events unfolded.

It was a sunny but brisk fall day in rural New Mexico. It was one of those days when each event and encounter seemed especially created for me in love. Even the little meditation spot along the river I stumbled upon seemed to be carefully prepared with clean, fresh and dry hay. Such a place to sit. Just sit.

Perhaps it WAS all prepared for me? The God of my understanding is like that, you know. Loving, providential, present. Have you ever had such a day?

I sat on the side of the river bank and meditated. Just sitting.

Once, on a months long retreat at a Benedictine monastery in Vermont, it became difficult for me to sit and to meditate so I asked a friendly monk brother for help. I asked him what he thinks about when he is meditating. He responded by saying he tried not to think too much and he allowed himself to “just sit.” Sometimes when his mind wandered he would gently say to himself, “Just sitting.” And then he returned his attention to his breathing. I tried that on the side of this river. Just sitting.

When I opened my eyes after some time sitting, the nearby blade of grass jutting out into the air seemed to pulsate with the glory of God. It seemed for a moment all the mystery and beauty of nature was captured in that blade of grass. I could have meditated on that blade all afternoon.

“Heraclitus would have loved this river,” I thought to myself. He was known to have said, “You can’t step into the same river twice.” This river, flowing strong and always changing, reminded me of the impermanence of life.

When I considered the river with it’s flux and turbulence, I was also reminded of something I heard many years ago. God is in the rapids and in the flux as much as He is in the rocks and in the banks. No need to cling to safety and comfort. Let go. God is there.

I was captivated by all the beauty surrounding me near this river. The beauty didn’t seem to surround me so much as it penetrated me. It was moving through me. Piercing me.

All alone with God. It was a nice moment by the river side.

John Muir once wrote, “Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer. Camp out among the grasses and gentians of glacial meadows, in craggy garden nooks full of nature’s darlings. Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but nature’s sources never fail.” Nature’s peace flowing into you as sunshine flows into trees and cares dropping off like autumn leaves. True this, eh?

Do you know the Rio Grande was called El Rio de Nuestra Señora before it was called “Big River?” I suspect it had an even more majestic name prior to that. Subsequent to being named El Rio de Nuestra Señora, it was called El Rio Bravo, The May River and even The Turbulent River. I like the name Our Lady’s River (El Rio de Nuestra Señora) best, how about you?

As I carefully made my way up the river bank and back into civilization, a lone photographer walked by. A protective sun hat and a camera with a large lens indicated his pursuit. He said, “Beautiful colors and nice light today ‘eh?” I replied with a warm smile and a definitive, “Yes!” He recognized that my brief response was not an anti-social stance but rather a recognition, in silence, of the true awesomeness of the moment. He returned a smile and, understanding the moment, joined me in contemplating (alone but together) El Rio, the Cottonwood trees and the desert cacti at the base of The Mountains of the Holy Day.

May your day today be filled with such an adventure, mystery and beauty. It’s all there.

Where is a spot that you find health, healing and a communion with the Divine? Please share by leaving a comment.